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If you want to go straight to Vol 9, you may do so now!
...
February started with a Sunday on which Tim and Kajsa went to see an ice hockey game between the Washington thingies and the somebody or other Redwings. We went into the Embassy and took the Metro to the MCI Center (sic) and got there just in time to see the pre-game rubbish which was about some guys who had been on the ice at the same time as 100 goals had been scored (I suppose it is nice that the team is sort of recognised that way but it makes for long and seemingly pointless ceremonies). Then it was up to Tim to go get some food, unfortunately he only had $20 so that was only enough for two hot-dogs, some fries and one drink to be shared. They really know how to gouge the fans!
The game was fun though with the supporters behind us screaming inspirational phrases such as "Kill the bastard!" It must have been a disappointment that so little blood was actually spilt that day.
Kajsa and Tim have been able to go out a little more frequently now that Julia is here and we took the opportunity to experience some real American nightlife - line dancing. We put on our jeans and check shirts and high tailed to a place just south of the Capital Beltway called "Blackies". Line dancing might look like it can be done by anyone (after all it is usually performed by people who like country music and people from Tamworth) but it is not that easy. If you ever try it don't forget to take riding boots or at least shoes that slip. It can get very tiring on the ankles and knees otherwise! After our bootscootin' we managed to have a quietish dinner at Fridays, getting served by Gilligan. Apparently everyone there had to wear a hat of some sort. The guy who served us needs to change his image.
The following weekend was the beginning of the concentrated farewelling of Peter and Angela. There was dinner at our place on Friday (during which we discovered that Angela has absolutely perfect taste in music - she knows about the band Talk Talk - and that Peter has no CDs of his own. That is a real concern when a man doesn't drink coffee or tea or beer or own any CDs). Saturday had the more formal farewell at Mick and Kay Heaney's. The following Wednesday was the last hurrah with a farewell at the Crystal City standard "Sports Pub". Sad to see them go but we are sure to catch up with them in Melbourne.
Skipping back slightly, on Sunday we visited the National Aquarium in town. It is cunningly hidden in the building opposite the Ronald Reagan Building and is quite compact. That was not a problem for us because the kids tend to get bored, especially as fish are not that interactive, so we found it just the right size. In the evening Max and his sister, Hanna, and parents, Petra and Hans came to dinner. It was quite pleasant but didn't go too long on account of the following day being Monday and the fact that the kids needed to go to bed.
The following weekend was the big one. The Presidential Weekend of Love. The reason for this is not as obvious as it may seem. Yes, it was Valentine's day and yes the current President is in the middle of a situation in which his more passionate side is being discussed openly but the President in question is not the current one. Monday the 16th of February was a public holiday for the President's birthday and from what I can gather they choose a President each year whose birthday falls on a Monday or Friday - instant long weekend. Perhaps I'm wrong about it, but what a concept - we could have a Cricket Captain's birthday long weekend each year, or a Brownlow Medallist's long weekend and choose to celebrate a different person each year for no better reason than their birthday falls on a convenient day. Sorry boss, can't come to work, I'm celebrating Chappel Day. Anyway, it was Washington's birthday or Ford's or Grover's, who cares, it was a long weekend and it had Valentine's day right at the start - an huge excuse for yet another orgy of consumerism and countless acts of devotion paid to Hallmark.
Did you know that there are only two Valentine's Day cards devoted to Mothers-In-Law. Don't you find that shocking. Who bought them? Who has an irresistable crush on their mother-in-law that can only be satisfied by rushing out to the card shop? My recollection of Valentine's Day (Tim's, not Kajsa's, you should note) is that you send a card to that girl you've had your eye on for a while and, although you were to shy to mention it, you'd really like to bonk her. I cannot see that that applies to my, or indeed anybody else's, mother-in-law (unless of course Margaret Pomeranz has a married daughter). Here, they send cards to just about anybody, and I would say "as long as they are breathing" but I'm not certain that that is a pre-requisite.
So, Kalle had to write Valentine's Day cards. Not one or two, but to every bloody member in his class. Even the boys. Dear Twevor, I weally weally wove you, lots of wove, Kalle. Dear Bruce, etc etc. I think this sucks, to use an Americanism. What about the bullies and the people you wouldn't spit on. What if, in years from now, one of these kids you didn't actually want to write a card to grows up to be a new Jeffrey Dahlmer. He'll be chopping people up in his house, secure in the fact that he has the unconditional love of twenty or more other people - and have documentary evidence. I thought about a way out - they don't actually, as far as I can tell, insist that the cards all be the same. So, you have two types of cards, or maybe three. One for people you actually like, one for people you don't and a possible third for the hottest of the chicky-babes (admittedly they are in short supply in Kalle's class and he is yet to fully grasp the concept of hot chicky-babes.) I even thought up a tacky rhyme for the second group, noting that they are underrepresented by Hallmark.
Flockhart is cute
Liz Taylor is past it.
I had to give you a card
even though you're a bastard.
Unfortunately, Kajsa wouldn't let me put together a card with this on it for Kalle. Oh well, there is always next year.
As Valentine's Day was on Saturday, Kalle had his school party on Friday. After it was over, the big trek commenced. We decided to make the most of the long weekend, Tim took the day off on Friday and we drove up to New York for the weekend. It is a good drive up to NY, about four and a bit hours if you don't stop and closer to six or so with kids, a lunch stop and a coffee stop. We got to the Holland Tunnel at just after six and were amazed at how easily we were getting into the city. Until we got to about a kilometre from the Toll into the Tunnel at which we experienced more New York type traffic. Bumper to bumper and tempers as short Saddam Hussein's Palace-warming guest list. They seem to have hair-trigger horns, hesitate momentarily to do something like lift your foot from the floor to place it on the accelerator and you'll get honked. Ah well, all part of the experience.
We managed to get to where we were staying quite easily, only getting lost once (right as we got onto Manhattan) and not getting shot at or run into. In fact the city is as clean and civilised as we have been reading, New York or at least Manhattan has been cleaned up heaps since Kajsa and Tim visited last (separately, before they met). We stayed in Berit's flat on the Upper West Side, very close to the Natural History Museum and Central Park. It was an excellent location, quite close to everything with the exception of Lower Manhattan where Battery Park and Wall Street are. We made the most of our time there with visits to the Natural History Museum and Central Park (of course). A long walk to the Empire State Building on a day with close to unlimited visibility ("What can you see Kalle?" "McDonalds"). McDonalds, right across from the Empire State Building. Tim and Kajsa had a romantic dinner for two that almost turned into disaster ("What do you mean you don't take Visa?", then the machine refused to issue any money after Tim went scurrying away to the bank. How many dishes is that at the minimum wage? Luckily only one of the machines didn't like Tim. Another, right next it in the same bank was far more friendly and the night was saved!)
The next day we went to the Children's Museum and had absolutely excellent timing. When we got there there was not that many people there - we walked right in. During the morning it began to fill up and by the time we left at just after 12, it was packed - and there was a huge queue to get in with families waiting for more than half an hour just to get in the door. We had some coffee at the very refined Timothy's International Coffee and then walked to the Cathedral on 6th. On the way we walked down Broadway and looked at Times Square. Across the street from the Cathedral is the Rockefeller Center, another religious organisation dedicated to making money, although admittedly the religion is money. It was fun to watch the people skating in their Sunday best.
From there we were going to go to Planet Hollywood for dinner. We were smart we thought by having something very little for lunch we would be ready to eat early and could miss the rush at PH. No such luck, there was at least a twenty minute wait outside and then a 45 minute wait inside. Bugger that. Have I mentioned how cold it was? All day both days it hovered around 31° F, or just below zero. Although it was very cold and we walked a long way, both the kids were very good and hardly complained.
Anyway, we gave up on the silly idea of Planet Follywood and went to have noodles instead. In fact Kalle probably liked that idea more anyway. In the evening once the kids were in bed Kajsa and Julia wandered down to Times Square again to see it in the dark with all the neon alight. They also got to look in some shops (due to absence of Tim and hence his incessant whining about how much he hates shopping).
The next day Tim set bravely out to rescue Rusty from the car park (which was surprisingly inexpensive). There was a minor panic due to the fact that the battery was stone dead. Fortunately this is not an uncommon experience and they had a machine to jump start the car (no-one roll starts you understand because about 95% of cars are automatics which are difficult to roll start). Then off on our big adventure home. To get in some more of the country we didn't go home the way we came we went via Pennsylvania on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and through Amish country. We stopped in that region to get some lunch. Unfortunately we didn't see any Amish but we did discover that that the area is no more than a couple of hours drive from our place so it is a good spot to visit when visitors are here. We are even closer to Gettysburg (famous for civil war stuff and a speech by a dead president).
The following week or so was very tiring with Kalle being very sick, first with a stomach flu (as described by the local doctor so don't get on my case Helena, I know that stomach upsets have nothing to do with influenza) and then with Scarlet Fever. He had very high temperatures from Wednesday through Monday and spent the first two of those days throwing up everywhere. Kalle was very reasonable though, he got better from the stomach thing long enough for us to have a dinner party. We were planning to have a few dinners but decided to hold them off for another reason so it was quite lucky really. The dinner party was quite a success and it added to the general lack of sleep in the household as we got to bed after one (not that late in comparison to Julia, but hideously late for parents of cockcrow children).
Kalle was also just well enough to go to the Winter Program. Have you seen those things parodied in film and on TV with kids dressed up as sausages or aluminium cans? They aren't parodies. Believe it or not, every few months schools have a little show in which the kids get dressed up, this time as bunnies, fishes, birds and ponies, and sing songs. The main purpose of these events, as far as I can tell, is to torment the parents who are paying a small fortune to send their kids to school. You see the events are often at odd times, usually sometime when most normal people are at work (to earn the small fortune to pay the school fees). So the events are carefully scheduled to make the working parent(s) feel really guilty about not turning up. The more often they are held the less of them the parents can attend and therefore the more guilty they are. Winter ones are good too because there is a fair chance that the kids will be sick and make the lives of the parents a complete misery. ("I'm not sick, I'm just pretending to be sick. I want to go to the Winter Program. I want to sing about bunnies and be dressed up as fish." Vomiting every five minutes is very close to being sick, Kalle. "I'm not really sick, I'm just joking." Hmm.) (By the way there may have been a grammatical error there but it wasn't in reference to the fish. Kalle was dressed up as a number of fish, not just one fish. Don't ask me why.)
Even when sick Kalle can come out with some funny things, on the Sunday (when he was about his worst) he was telling Tim off for something - "I object, pappa, I object." "The proper phrasing is I object, your honour, or Objection, your honour." "I object, pappa." We didn't realise that legal training started so young.
On Monday, just as Kalle was starting to recover, Kajsa abandoned him with Tim to go to a Navy Wives' Dinner. Our lawyers advise that we make no comment. The Navy Knives is a terrible organisation to have turn against you. On Tuesday, Tim took a flying visit to storm ravaged Florida and despite rumours to the contrary, he did no ravaging while there. He did do a little radio listening - plus some radio channel surfing. The problem was that the car he hired (a Volvo S70 on an upgrade - what a car!) had the radio tuned to "Inspirational Music", which basically meant Amy Grant, at best. Even Russell (don't forget you said this Russell) that Christian music, while a apparently a good idea at the time, is not that good. He also stated that the main reason Amy Grant is so popular is that she is really cute. Young Christians in Lust. Anyone who knows me would also know that Tim is not a religious person and as a heathen he didn't want to listen to a radio station whose main purpose is to remind him that he is going to suffer for an eternity after he dies. Many cynical people would say that marriage is a good preparation for that but Tim wouldn't dare.
So here is Tim in a really luxurious S70 (with seat warmer) with Inspirational Music on the radio. He feels as inspired as he needs to be and wants to change channels and begins channel surfing. By jingo by crikey there are a lot of Christians in Northern Florida. Almost every other station was intent on making people either feel guilty or that they should sign over their estate to the Baptist ministry. Tim's favorite station was the one that had a bouncy sounding young girl (maybe also jiggly and giggly) saying, just as he tuned in "… and don't forget, having a relationship with a non-Christian is not only bound to lead to heartbreak and sorrow but it is also an abomination to God!!! Have a nice day! If you would like a recording of today's program send $20 to (Life Ministries(?)) …" When Tim got to the hotel he turned on the TV and it was an evangelical cable channel. Some preacher who was doing a lot of imploring and an audience who were whooping obediently. I am told that there are a lot of retirees who go down to Florida to die. Perhaps they are all just that little bit closer to God, chronologically at least.
While taking a look at USA Tim got a bit of a laugh from the description of William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet - "Set in the 20th century, two teenagers tragically fall in love with Brian Denehy." I don't know if that is fair. Brian Denehy seems to be a really nice guy.
Anyway, the trip also took out Wednesday evening as Tim didn't get back until just before midnight. Thursday we actually got to see each other, sort of. You see both Kajsa and Julia took the opportunity while Tim was away to become very sick, fever, sweating, lying in bed, pussy (ie pertaining to pus) tonsils, moaning, the works. They were just well enough on Thursday for Tim to go to work but they deteriorated that evening so that he had to stay home the next day to look after them.
Kajsa had planned to Amish Country (also called Dutch Country - even though the Amish actually speak German, ie Deutsch) to see a quilt auction on Friday. It was her first opportunity to do something for and by herself, leaving Tim behind with the kids. It is really tragic that she got sick at just the wrong time.
Both Tim and Julia missed school on Saturday morning. Taltarni was beginning to run a fever (suspicion is that hers is related to more teeth, not influenza or some bacterial infection). That makes two weekends in short succession for both of them so they are going to have to study really hard to pass (well, not really as there is no assessment - but you get the idea). It was on Saturday afternoon that Julia complained again about how much her throat hurt. Kajsa's throat didn't hurt that much so we didn't do much about it but when Tim checked out Kajsa he saw that her tonsils were really badly inflamed. He couldn't see Julia's (either her mouth is smaller or her tongue is larger, we wouldn't like to guess and it is unlikely that he will be able to conduct comparative research). So we headed off to the doctors with the three sick girls. After everyone bar Kalle (now healthy as a mallee bull) had long cotton wool buds (Q-tips) thrust down their throats (in Tim's case quite savagely, probably part of the huge nurse-sponsored conspiracy to keep males quiet when they are sick) to check if they had strep throat. Everything came back negative so Kajsa and Julia have gone onto broad spectrum antibiotics, Taltarni's sample is being cultured and Tim is recovering from being savaged by a Q-tip without any medical assistance.
As the month closed and we entered spring, Kajsa has begun to recover. She was well enough to sit and watch highlights of Riverdance on TV. Julia continues to suffer but is surviving. Taltarni, despite her low level fever was happily running around, to all appearances the healthiest among us.
Kalle is struggling with the concept of real and pretend. Tim told him that some things on TV are pretend. "What does pretend mean?" Pretend means not real. "What does real mean?" You and I are real, Kalle. Things, ah, most things on TV are not real. They are pretend. "What like?" The Magic School Bus, Arthur, Superman, Batman. "What else?" Well, everything that is a cartoon is pretend. The Lion King is pretend, Balto, Snow White. "Who is Snow White?" (Oops) We'll read Snow White tonight if you like. (Silence.) "Is (Barbie) pretend?" (You may understand the brackets in a moment.) Well, Kalle, Barbie is more like a psychotic fantasy. "What?" She's pretend, Kalle. Barbie is pretend. "(Barbie's) not a girl." A lot of people will be surprised to hear that Kalle. (Then Tim thinks for a short while.) Ah, Barney, Barney is pretend. He's not a real dinosaur. [It should be noted that Kalle was actually saying Bobbie with an American accent. He is cartoon character and certainly qualifies as pretend.] (Silence.) "Bruce Wayne's not pretend. He's a person." (A this point Tim realises that he has made the point to a certain extent.) But Batman is pretend. "Yes." (Pause.) "And Joker is pretend. He's a bad guy. He fell in the mud and everyone saw him and they called him Joker. And he's bad guy, that's why he's pretend." Is that right? "Yes, he fell in the mud and became Joker." So how did Mr Freeze become Mr Freeze? Did he fall in the mud? (Pause.) "He fell in the white cold mud. He's a bad guy." What about Two-Face? Did he half fall in the mud? "Yes, he did half fall in the mud." How did Bruce Wayne become Batman then? Did he fall in the mud too? (Pause.) "He fell in the good mud and became Batman, he's a good guy, he's a superhero." But he's pretend? "Yes, Batman's pretend. Bruce Wayne, he's a person."
Tim is still performing duties as head nurse and waiting for his throat to recover.
One day during the month, while going to chiropractor, Tim was listening to the radio. (Yes, Tim is old, leave him alone.) There was a talk show on which was a little like Seinfeld, only not funny. The bit that is like Seinfeld is that the show is about nothing. Anyway, there was talk going on about just how naughty Saddam is and how he really needs a jolly good thrashing. This must have really got the bloodlust going because one idiot called up. A local idiot, one from Virginia. He wanted to know if the DJs, hey no, they weren't DJs because they didn't actually play any music, anyway, he wanted to know if the gibbering DJs wanted to hear a few gunshots. What? "Yeah man I can just shoot out the back door for you." Is that legal? "Hell, I live in the middle of nowhere." (I'd suggest that there might be a reason why he doesn't have neighbours.) So the logical thing to do is to tell the idiot that he is an idiot and hang up, but NO. They say, yeah go ahead, fire your gun out the backdoor. And he does. Not just once. That wasn't enough. The first shot wasn't loud enough. Hold the gun closer to the phone. Then the idiot empties the magazine.
One word. Bizarre.
There are at least two bits that we forgot out of January. The first is the visit the National Squirrel Zoo which we visited on Australia Day. The zoo is free so we shouldn't complain but quite a few of the enclosures were empty, either because of the cold or because they were using the winter time to upgrade the area. By far the most common exhibit was the squirrel, examples of which were legion. We were there for a couple of hours and still didn't see everything so that isn't bad for a free zoo!
The second little bit is a Tim story and needs some supporting documentation. To really understand the story you have to understand the geography of the NW section of Washington, DC. Click on the link to see a map of the area that includes the Embassy of Australia. The Embassy is just above the H in Explorer's Hall. Note a road in the top right corner of the map called "Rock Creek Pkwy NW". This road runs into Massachusetts Avenue which is the road that the Embassy lies on (corner of Massachusetts and 16th). Just up and to the right (North West) of the Embassy is a circle called Dupont Circle. The road running from North North West to South South East is called Connecticut. (If you don't believe me then look here.)
One thing that Kajsa would like to do is a little sewing now and then and we did bring her sewing machine. The trouble is that is runs on 240V, not 115V as the Americans use. To get it work we had to find a converter. Unfortunately the only converters that could be found locally are from 240V to 115V (for the use of travellers from the US, not to the US). I asked at the local Radio Shack where I could find a converter that could handle to power required for a sewing machine. The woman looked for an address and wrote, "Import Electronics, 1579 Penn. Dupont" on a piece of paper. She was going to write down another address in another part of town but I told her that I worked very near Dupont Circle and she said OK.
So later that week, I took a bit of a walk at lunchtime to find the store and see how much the converters cost. I read the piece of paper earlier and while I saw "Penn." I read "Conn." the abbreviation for Connecticut. When I got up to Dupont Circle I realised my mistake and I wandered around for a while trying to find Pennsylvania Avenue. No joy, so I went into a flower shop and asked where Pennsylvania was. "A long way from here." I thought, obviously I am walking, two blocks for an American is "a long way". I got vague directions and set off in search of 1579 Pennsylvania. I walked for blocks and blocks and I got very cold. Finally I found Pennsylvania. I was in the 2000 block (between 20th and 21st) and headed towards the centre of DC, where I knew, from the direction of the street (east-west), I would find 1579. So I walked 5 blocks. Aha, I knew I knew Pennsylvania from somewhere. Do you remember when some kook started shooting at the White House, one of the results was that the road that went past the White House was closed off to traffic. Pennsylvania Avenue. Not many people who live in Australia know this, but the White House is very close to the address 1579 Pennsylvania Avenue. In reality there is a building at 1501 Pennsylvania and then there is a big open piece of land opposite the White House at 1600 Pennsylvania. No electronics shop though.
So, swearing at the stupid and woman and totally convinced that she gave me what I thought at the time was the White House address, I started walking back to the Embassy, totally freezing at this stage. On the way I dropped in to a hotel to look at a phone book. Do you think that I could find any address for an Import Electronics? Nope. Ah, but there was an Exports Electronics. Address? 1979 Connecticut Avenue. Just near Dupont Circle. I trudged onwards back to Dupont Circle and headed up Connecticut, past the florists and one and a half blocks up from the florists I found the right shop. Time taken from the florists (first passing) - one and a quarter hours, time taken from the florists (second passing) under two minutes. AAAARRRRRGGG!
It didn't help when I was just starting to explain why it had taken so long that my office neighbour, Ed Lawler said, "If you want converters, you should go to the shop just up from the florist on Connecticut!"
Did I mention that I was cold?