Santa had a busy year,
as he is wont to do,
when his merry band of elves,
did expand from one to two,
 
Merry stayed at home,
while she slowly did expand
and Santa went off travelling
through many foreign lands.
 
(He had a most important task
to check out brand new toys,
from all the worldly outlets
for all good girls and boys.)
 
And when he could come home
Merry was enormous,
in fact, so truly huge,
she could no longer wear pyjamas!
 
But soon the fateful day,
arrived so she could shrink
and a sweet young elf was born
(colour-coded pink).
 
Oh Joy! a girl (a matching pair
with the other, coded blue)
to finish the collection
(they think that two will do).
 
So now a few months on
she's a happy smiling girl,
whose parents just found out
they soon must cross the world,
 
For Yuletide Enterprises
(which bought out Claus Largesse¹)
will get out from the South Pole
and set up in the US.
 
And be warned this year, that Santa
may be a bit distracted
since Santa and his reindeer
got themselves connected².
 
The boys have been quite busy
surfing the virtual waves
instead of making all the toys they should
(so you may as well misbehave)
 
So you'll probably get something odd this year
plus it's likely to be small,
but then, it's better than you got from us
which is nothing ... at all.

 ¹Claus Largesse Proprietary Limited was a thriving concern for a very short period before Santa's accounting staff noticed that despite massive funds being channeled into the venture, the company made absolutely no profit. In fact it didn't even recoup its losses. This fact was brought to the attention of the Securities Commission by a disgruntled former employee. The Commission believed at first that the company was a front for a drug related money laundering operation and then that it might have been part some sort of shady psyops (psychological warfare operations), perpetuating gender bias through the discriminate distribution of Barbie dolls and Action Men. Finally it was revealed that despite a huge amount of goodwill, Mr Claus was a hopeless businessman who was deposed from the position of company president and brought back on the books on as a sleigh driver (well, the sleigh driver actually). By the time that Yuletide Enterprises was established in an attempt to save the company, the board members had voted themselves ridiculous retirement pay-outs and headed off to Majorca. All personnel were outplaced with the exception of Mr Claus who was given every single job in the organisation except making the tea (which Merry volunteered to do) and shouting at the reindeer, which the RSPCA had a few comments about so the Reindeer Abuser position was disestablished. Relocation was forced on the organisation by the spiralling rents in the South Pole. A small shack in a quiet backwater of the US will become the new centre of operations (address to be advised) until enough capital is raised for Santa to return to his rightful place.

 ²Despite his move to the US, Santa can still be contacted on santa@south.pole with his home page at http://www.south.pole. (You should be aware that it is a Northern Hemispherian's conceit that Santa lives at the North Pole. The North Pole is no more than floating ice, Santa normally has his base at the South Pole which is a continent with huge and otherwise untapped resources and is far more suitable for his operation.)

  
 Ó Wevel Pyatt Productions Unlimited 1996