Page One

Rudolf was a reindeer who was very slightly different to all the other reindeer
He had a slight anomaly with his nose
and if you ever saw it and were insensitive and uncaring
you would even say that it glows
All of the anthropomorphised reindeer
Used their miraculous ability to reason and speak to laugh at him and call him names
And true to their amazingly human-like qualities
They developed the concept of games and then wouldn't let poor Rudolf
Join in any of the aforementioned games

Then one climatically suboptimal evening before a modified pagan Roman festival
The legendary representative of the most pagan and commercially hijacked aspects of
said festival came to say
Rudolf with your genetic aberration which could be very useful for my toy distribution gig
Won't you submit yourself to unremunerated servitude in order to promote the
unrestrained commercialism which is eating away at the very fabric of society,
tonight
Then all the reindeers loved him
And while they have previously spurned him as a freak, they now realised that they
could bask in the reflected glory and hence they shouted out in glee
"Rudolf the Rhinoluminescent Reindeer,
"You are about to become the plaything of the media, your life will become a highly visible
mess, there will be cameras in your face everywhere you go, tabloids will print
rumours about your eating habits and sexual preferences, you will lose your dignity
and all of the finer characteristics that make you a reindeer, but you will go down
in history!"

Brought to you by "Subtle As A Brick",
a division of Wevel-Pyatt Productions Unlimited.

Please note that no reindeer were hurt in the production of this card.

Page Two

Candle in the Snow (dedicated to Rudolf, martyr to commercialism)

Goodbye reindeer friend, Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself, While those around you crawled
He took you from the Artic ice and, He whispered into your brain
He set you on the sleigh team, And he made you change your name

And it seems to me, you lived your life
Like a candle in the snow,
Never knowing who to turn to, When the wind did blow
And I'd really like to know you, but you are just for kids
They say the candle it dimmed long before
But your nose never did (do do do do do do do do doo-oo do)

To lead the sleigh was tough, The toughest role you ever played
Santa created a superstar and fame was the price you paid,
And so when you retired, All the press who hounded you,
All the papers had to say, Was that Rudolf's nose still glows today

And it seems to me, you lived your life
Like a candle in the snow,
Never knowing who to turn to, When the wind did blow
And I'd really like to know you, but you are just for kids
They say the candle it dimmed long before
But your nose never did (do do do do do do do do doo-oo do)

Goodbye reindeer friend, Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself, While those around you crawled
Goodbye reindeer friend, from a guy who wonders what Christmas is for,
Who sees you as more than a slave to Santa
Or in this hour Rudolf the Red Nose

And it seems to me, you lived your life
Like a candle in the snow,
Never knowing who to turn to, When the wind did blow
And I'd really like to know you, but you are just for kids
They say the candle it dimmed long before
But your nose never did.

The meaning is what you make it,
just make it mean something,

Merry Christmas!
 

From Tim, Kajsa, Kalle and Taltarni
 

Ó Wevel-Pyatt Productions Unlimited 2000